Work.

Jun. 4th, 2012 02:02 pm
vombatiformes: (Default)
Some days I'm really happy that I decided to take this art thing seriously and take the financial // free-time hit to try to concentrate on my crafts to make a living. I'll finish a bunch of projects and feel very accomplished and gratified with my ability to do what I love to do.

Some days I think I might just be insane.

It's ten days until Anthrocon, which is my biggest event of the year as far as "amount of sales in a short period of time" goes, and I'm feeling the heat. I have a couple of commissions to finish up (just took a short break from one to type this up) and a lot more pre-made things I'd like to have finished before we leave. My boyfriend and I will be heading down next Thursday and leaving Sunday. We vend all weekend, so most of our time there is spend babysitting our tables and not really participating in much fun-time.

Not that, admittedly, the official "events" of the con have ever been fun to me. This is my fifth year (not in a row, I missed one in there somewhere since my first) and I just can't dig the whole anthropomorphic scene. I mostly go to see cool animal art, and it's a great venue for that... and people seem to really appreciate the work I put into my own art there. That and rubbing elbows with some artists I really admire makes it worthwhile to me.

And also the overall "energy" of the event is inspiring. I like to just sit in a crowded room while everyone is working on creative things and it makes me feel happy and optimistic. Working on your own art while everyone around you is focused on their art is one of the best experiences, in my opinion. I wish I could work like that every day.

But I'm so stressed now, and so tired. I've just gotten over some terrible, mysterious virus that laid me up for a day and a half (just in time to seriously set me back before the con, of course) so I'm sort of peeved and rushing to get things done. I've given the melatonin a break for the past few days, hoping that I've finally sent my body the message ("please, you're meant to sleep at night, you realize this, right?") and apparently it hasn't gone through. Tossing and turning, finally getting tired around dawn only to force myself awake a few hours later so I can get work done.

Sleep.

May. 22nd, 2012 12:48 pm
vombatiformes: (Default)
I love it and I hate it.

When I'm allowed to sleep the way I like, I can easily sleep for 10-12 hours and I've done it. Often. Having been enrolled in cyber school as a teenager means that for the last two years of highschool, I was pretty much running on my own clock. That generally meant up by 4 PM or 5 PM, asleep by 6 AM. Sometimes I could push it back and forth by a couple of hours if I had something I needed to do (run to the post office, go food shopping -- I was also living at my father's house during this time but supporting myself financially otherwise, but I had no car).

Try to get me to bed without melatonin before 4 AM though and I'm going to toss and turn, maybe fall asleep, but definitely wake up several times and probably wind up eventually throwing myself out of bed after only getting a couple of hours of rest. Laying in bed for long periods of time without sleeping produces this "trapped" feeling in me that really sets off my anxiety, so I just don't go there.

Today I got to sleep around 5 AM (no melatonin coupled with truly impressive cravings and terrible stomach pain), and I just forced myself awake at roughly 12 PM, though I am exhausted and want to sleep for hours more. I need to go to the post office though. Getting myself in the shower, getting dressed, walking up the block (I still don't have a car) feel like almost insurmountable chores.

Not to mention all of the other things I have to do today. Cooking, cleaning, and perhaps most importantly working, as I have like 25 days to prepare for Anthrocon and I am not yet prepared anywhere near to the level that I wish to be. I really need to make some money at this con and if I don't really start moving, it's just not going to happen.

Sigh.

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